Enneagram 4-6 Growth Practices (Transformation Part 3) Episode 18

Brent and Janis continue the Transformation series with a discussion on  Enneagram types 4-6 and growth practices that assist each one.

The Life & Love Nuggets podcast will help you learn valuable insights into relationships, life, and love. Brent and Janis have been empowering couples through pre-marriage and marriage therapy in their private practice, Life Connection Counseling, since 1982. They recently retired after forty years of pastoral ministry and are continuing to help individuals, marriages and families in their private practice.

This podcast should not be considered or used for counseling but for educational purposes only.

Transcript:

[Brent]: Hello, friends. Welcome to Life & Love Nuggets; we're glad that you're here.

[Brent]: We've been talking about transformation for the last few weeks and we're going to continue that today. You know, talk about this idea that all of us have been kind of born into and made in the image of God. We're born into this sense of what we would consider our true self and then, we all have some experiences in life that challenge that. That oftentimes say that, well, the way that you are isn't quite okay and you need to be a little bit more like this. Now, we're influenced by all kinds of things. Some people have traumas that that communicate this to them, that they're not valuable or important and they need to be different to be acceptable. For some of us it's a little more nuanced than that, it's just not quite so obvious, but we kind of get this idea from very powerful people in our life when we're little people, that we need to be something different. Yeah, I could come to a coach or a principal or a teacher, a pastor, a parent and so, we adapt and we kind of develop this coping self.

[Brent]: And so, the idea a lot of what we spent our time doing, is helping people recognize that what actually worked for them, it was actually necessary when they were little people, just isn't working so well now. It's not healthy for them now and so, how do they find transformation in their life to come alive again and to thrive into that sense of true self? And so, one of the ways that we've been looking at this, is recognizing that the more self-aware we are, the better chance we are of finding this path towards transformation and one of the ways that we have found even recently, it's kind of a-- Has a resurgence in our culture right now is the Enneagram.

[Brent]: Now, a lot of people know what this is about and you say “are you enneagrammers?” and they're like “oh yes! oh my gosh!”

[Janis]: Yeah, or “oh no”.

[Brent]: And then, some people look at you like “ennea-- what?”.

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: And so, this was used years ago, for centuries actually in spiritual direction and then, it kind of dropped off a little bit, it's had, again, a resurgence and so, it's not “okay, this is who you are”, it's a-- You know, absolutely you're made to be a one or a three or a nine, you know? It's these stories that we live in and it describes kind of nine different stories. We all have some of all of them, which is important to know and we can pull resources and strengths from all of them, but most of us find ourselves living mostly in one of these stories.

[Brent]: And there's really wonderful things about that, there's strengths in that and it's why we're good at what we do and what makes us come alive sometimes. But there's always a shadow that, you know, our greatest strength to its extreme is always a weakness and so, Carl Jung called that “the shadow”, what are those places where it's not helpful for us and so--

[Janis]: And all of us have them.

[Brent]: And all of us have them.

[Janis]: It's not “you are flawed”. All people have the shadow side and we all have issues that we need to work on.

[Brent]: Yes, and so, when it shows up, we don't want to go “oh no, what's wrong with me?” or “I'm bad” or you know, “there it is again, there's that thing. There's that coping strategy that I do that's kind of extreme that's not so helpful” and so, we've been looking at the different types and we looked at one through three last podcast. We're going to look at four, fives and sixes today. Now, we are not suggesting that we are enneagram experts, okay?

[Janis]: By any means.

[Brent]: By any means, but we've found it very helpful in our practice, we found it very helpful in our own personal lives. Again, it's not this super clear picture of exactly who you are, but it’s a good reference point and it's-- We found it to be very helpful and again, we're still-- Nobody knows exactly how much of these types or the way that we are, how much of this is nature versus nurture. We kind of think it's about 50-50. I mentioned I have a good friend who's a pure behaviorist.

[Janis]: Yes

[Brent]: That doesn't think there's anything in born and it's just everything that happened to us. There are some people that think most of it is, you know, kind of genetic. We kind of think it's about 50-50 and so--

[Janis]: Yeah. We had an old family doctor that used to say-- He could tell whether a child was strong-willed by how they cried when they were born and so, with each one of ours, he said “uh-oh” and he was right, they were all strong-willed.

[Brent]: They were all strong-willed. All four of them, yeah. So, again, we're not trying to overdo this.

[Janis]: Right

[Brent]: But we found it to be helpful and so, the first one we're going to look at is the individualists, the four. They are kind of these brilliant romantics, brilliant creatives. Artists, musicians, poets. I mean, what would we do without these folks?

[Janis]: Right

[Brent]: They just, they make the world beautiful and they make us think more deeply and it's-- So, it's a wonderful way to live in the world. But the challenge is all of these have a fear and that's what we're going to look at and understanding that we have a fear. The four, the fear is of being without significance or identity. Even though we look at them and go “oh my gosh, you are so amazing and the way that you think and how deep you are and how you put these things together”. They fear that they're not special in some ways and that they're not unique in that way and oftentimes, feel like something's missing in them. That something's not quite right. They're pretty sensitive to shame, that “there's just something bad about me, something not quite right about me” and all of us deal with some measure of shame, but fours really struggle with that.

[Brent]: And then, their desire to be themselves can deteriorate into self-indulgence. Where they really do deep dives in just certain hobbies or expressions or whatever and so, they're trying to express a uniqueness, but it can just go overboard and oftentimes, then they do, they're a little more prone to struggle with addictive kinds of things and more escapism and they're a little more prone to that. Again, all of us have all this-- We could be prone to all this kind of stuff.

[Janis]: Right

[Brent]: But so, that's where we find them. Now, again, in our times together here, we're just trying to look at what are some growth practices, what are some things that we can be doing then if we find ourselves in this story most of the time, that can help moderate that, help bring balance to that in our life.

[Janis]: I think for fours confession is a big one, being able to have a trusted person that they can say “this is what I'm struggling with”. Sometimes fours will struggle with envy if they don't feel like they're successful enough. So, having somebody that they can confess that to and know that they're forgiven by God and that it's okay to struggle with some of those kinds of things.

[Brent]: And [Unintelligible] can look at them and go “no, you're okay”.

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: “It's understandable that you're gonna maybe want this or if you had this kind of thing, expression, that you would be unique and special. That's okay, doesn't mean you're bad”.

[Janis]: Right. Yeah, I think fours can oftentimes get kind of caught in their heads with some of those things and so, having someone that they outwardly confess to that is safe, as we always say.

[Brent]: Yes, right. Safe, yes.

[Janis]: Really can help them see things from a different perspective.

[Brent]: Yeah

[Janis]: I think journaling is good for fours. Now, you know, a lot of times when I work with fours, I kind of had a caveat. Journaling is great because it helps them express their feelings and the depth of the emotion that they have, but when you're journaling and you've had a really terrible day, I will say “don't keep those pages”. So, it's not for you to go back and go over--

[Brent]: And then they say “I don’t”.

[Janis]: Yeah. I don't want you to meditate on all of the things that were horrible, terrible and wrong, but it is a great way to get some of that out.

[Brent]: So that doesn't just get stuck in their heads and they spin in that. So, you get it on paper, shred it, burn it, [Unintelligible]

[Janis]: It's really telling our brain “You don't have to keep thinking about this because you put it somewhere safe”.

[Brent]: That’s good. That's very good.

[Janis]: So, journaling can be really good for fours. I think fellowship, just being around other people, having other people know them and accept them. I think it's really important for fours, because again, they can get stuck inside themselves. You know, I love the quote, though I have not been able to find it. So, if anybody can find it, let me know, email me and let me know. But there's a quote that “I'm thankful that I am no better nor worse than any other man” and I think that's something important for fours to remember. They have that fear of having this deep flaw and so, remembering all people have those things and they may have flaws, but they are not flawed.

[Brent]: That's good, yeah.

[Janis]: And meditating on that, I think can be very helpful for a four. I think also gratitude. I mean, gratitude's good for all of us.

[Brent]: Sure

[Janis]: But fours, I think in particular it's important that they really have some good gratitude practices, so they won't get stuck in some of the melancholy parts of their personality. That they really focus on all the good things that they have and on the goodness of God, and seeing where God has done good things in their lives.

[Brent]: Yeah, yeah. If you feel like something's missing in you and that you're always looking for what is that thing that's going to complete me, so they're never satisfied. They're never content and so, that's why gratitude and thankfulness can be so helpful.

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: So good.

[Janis]: Good

[Brent]: Now, again, as we're talking about these growth practices, these are not things that “okay, let's start doing this and we'll do this for a couple weeks and then that'll totally moderate and fix my personality”, okay?

[Janis]: Yes, yes.

[Brent]: It's not the way it works. This is like eating, these are just things-- It's the kind of nutrition that a four needs, but just like I like to eat a few different times a day.

[Janis]: Yeah, every day.

[Brent]: About three pretty much every day.

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: It's going to be things that we need to do consistently in our life that keeps that shadow side at bay, where it doesn't overwhelm us and steal joy and so forth.

[Janis]: And it's also remembering that with a lot of these practices, some of them are going to be really easy for you. You know, certain personalities, some of the practices are like “yeah, I want to do that. I want to go be by myself; that'd be awesome”. Other ones are like “uh, that's really hard” or “no, I'm never gonna fast”.

[Brent]: Right, right.

[Janis]: Yeah, that's me that's saying that. But it's remembering that oftentimes the ones that you are avoiding, are the very ones that you need to help you deal with that shadow side.

[Brent]: Yeah, so good.

[Janis]: We just don't want to admit it.

[Brent]: Yes. So, I have a client who's a leader, a church leader that I worked with some time ago and he found-- A working going to a recovery program. Now, again, fours can go into self-indulgence and that's why they can get into addictive kind of patterns of escapism and either numbing out, because they don't feel like-- They feel like something's missing in them, so I just want to numb out and not feel that feeling or even to get some kind of experience and now, he wasn't really caught up in an addiction, but he found going when I talk about recovery programs, you know, this all kind of started with AA back in the 1950s and the idea was that we have all-- We all come to kind of the end of ourselves with something and we realize we just have to own that and we have to be able to say “there's something in my life I cannot seem to fix”, it's that letting go and so, a lot of different kind of programs grew out of that and I think one of the reasons it's so effective is because it’s peer driven and so, it's people that have kind of gone through this before in their life are kind of guiding these groups, which is what you talked about. Is having another human where we can talk about and confess our struggle, that can look us in the eye and go “first of all, you're forgiven and you're okay”. You know, that there's-- Again, you talked about that difference about shame, that differences that we do bad things or we do hurtful things, but we are not bad.

[Janis]: Right

[Brent]: Shame is “I'm bad, there's something wrong with me” and so, he went to a recovery group and I think he still goes.

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: Now, again, he didn't really need it for a chemical or an addiction, but he found it so helpful and he said it's what's given him real life and he finds joy in it, where he's got that kind of group of people that he's able to just be open and honest with, that can speak life to him and then, he found him speaking life to others that are struggling with the same thing was so redemptive for him.

[Janis]: That’s good.

[Brent]: So, that's something to consider.

[Janis]: Yes, I also think about back when we were at a church, we had a big counseling practice many, many years ago. I think it was 30 years ago and we had a couple that were going to start an AA group and they were like “well, before we do this, we want these leaders (including us) to go through the 12 steps” and I remember starting those going “oh, this will be nice for other people, this would be good for them” and then getting into it going “uh, this is what I need”. I mean, I think those 12 steps in AA recovery programs are just good for everybody.

[Brent]: Oh my gosh. When you look at the first three, the first one is “I recognize there's something in my life I cannot fix myself”.

[Janis]: Which was the hardest thing for me.

[Brent]: It's always the hardest, okay?

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: And you may have people in your life that need to do that and you're trying to get them to do that, but they've got to come to their--

[Janis]: That’s right.

[Brent]: [Unintelligible] God lets people come to the end of themselves. He let the prodigal son get to a place where he was eating pig food, you know? And he came to the end of himself. So, we have to release control. The second is “I believe there's a God in the world that can put my life in order” and the third step is “I'm going to let go of control”.

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: “Into God's hands and let him put my world in order”. Oh my gosh, this ought to be we get out of bed every morning.

[Janis]: Everybody should do this, yes.

[Brent]: This should be the healthiest way for us to live. So, okay, number five is the investigator. These are just-- I'm jealous oftentimes of investigators, because they just know so much stuff.

[Janis]: So much stuff.

[Brent]: They just-- They're perceptive and cerebral, they're great thinkers and researchers and these people rattle off stuff. It's like, how do you remember all that stuff? How do you know all that stuff?

[Janis]: Yes

[Brent]: And you know, I just forget so much stuff. But anyway, they just are amazing and-- But again, all of us have a shadow. They're challenged, their fear is of being useless, incompetent or incapable. So, part of that need to research and to find the answers and to know stuff, is because “I want to be useful” and so, they have a fear of being useless. Their fear if lacking inner resources, contact with the world will be bad. So, if I don't have enough energy or enough strength, then if I connect with the world, it'll just soak all the life out of me.

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: And so, they have a fear of that, that they only have a so-- They only have so much energy to deal with and their desire to be competent can deteriorate into useless specialization, where they can just-- I mean, talk about go down a rabbit hole. They can go into a certain part of research or a certain part of study and now, everything there is to know about something and sometimes-- Now, sometimes that could be great, okay? I mean, you know, some people go into research for this reason, they just want to study this one very specific thing and that makes them really, really amazing at this. But sometimes people can just know stuff that's kind of useless. It's just know stuff to know stuff.

[Janis]: Yeah, yes. So, some of the practices that are helpful for fives, one of them is because they tend to withdraw, is to being in service. Volunteer and do things, find some place where you can be helpful and useful. Now, I would say with fives, don't study it forever, don't study the food bank that you're going to go or check around to see what the best food bank is, just go push yourself out there and do it, because fives need action. So, push yourself out there to do that.

[Brent]: That’s good.

[Janis]: They have to reach out and be social. They need to be with people instead of just staying in a room. So, in addition to helping people, they need a social life and they have to push themselves to do it. It is as you said, it's hard for them because they lose emotional energy when they're with people and so, there's that fear of “if I do this, then I'm going to be depleted”.

[Janis]: We watch a really fun TV show that shows what nerds we are, but we're watching it currently. We're watching three French shows in French, but with subtitles.

[Brent]: You gotta really pay attention.

[Janis]: Yes, it keeps us from answering emails or doing other projects, because we really, really have to watch.

[Brent]: Yes

[Janis]: But one of them that we're watching right now, which is great, is called “Astrid” and it is a woman who works in the criminal records department and has for a number of years and she's autistic and she's pretty severely autistic.

[Brent]: Yes

[Janis]: And she ends up-- The detective finds out that she has these incredible skills that can help them in solving crime. She somehow gets involved with a crime.

[Brent]: Yeah. So, when she's filing everything in the resource department and she's the only one that works in this huge building with all these hard copy resources, she memorizes everything.

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: She knows everything that's ever happened in all these criminal things and she memorizes, she even understands the medical parts of a murder or whatever.

[Janis]: She corrects the coroner quite a few times.

[Brent]: Yeah, it’s hil-- It’s just-- It’s really quite amazing.

[Janis]: It’s really good. But she gets overwhelmed by the stimulus and so, she wears head noise canc--

[Brent]: Cancelling

[Janis]: That one, yes.

[Brent]: Noise cancelling headphones.

[Janis]: Headphones, yeah. So that when she's out in traffic, she doesn't get overwhelmed and if she gets overly stimulated, she just melts down.

[Brent]: Yeah, yeah.

[Janis]: So, one of the practices that she was taught by a friend of hers, was he gave her ten beans and she keeps them in her hand and then if she's involved in a murder investigation and it's taking a lot of energy, she'll take a few beans out and put them in the other pocket, and that means “I only have seven beans left”. Then something else happens when she takes a few beans out.

[Brent]: And then, if there something that's restorative.

[Janis]: Yes

[Brent]: Then she can put some beans back in.

[Janis]: Exactly

[Brent]: So, she has a little bit more energy to give, yeah.

[Janis]: Which is just brilliant. I mean, we have laughed it ourselves, because well, we'll be watching it and all of a sudden, she holds out her hand and she has three beans and we're like “oh no! she's gonna have a meltdown!”, but don't need that?

[Brent]: Yeah, absolutely.

[Janis]: I mean, I think we all need to go “what takes emotional energy and what adds emotional energy?”. So, fives especially need to be aware of that. Fives also need to be generous. You know, they have a lot to offer, they have a lot of information, they have a lot that they can give to people, but they pull back and they're hesitant. So, it’s important that fives go ahead and push themselves to help other people, to be around other people while they're monitoring their energy.

[Brent]: Yeah, which is a perfect example of why we need growth practices.

[Janis]: Yes

[Brent]: These are things that we're gonna do that we don't like to do, that feel-- That are just opposite of what our natural tendency is. Where the five needs to “I need to reserve all this energy, because if I give too much, then I'm going to be depleted and I'm not going to have anything to--”. So, I actually push against that purposely and make sure that I consistently give out. That trains me to go “no, there's-- I have more here to offer than I realize”. Now, again, to Astrid point or our point about her, is that we do need good self-care and so, this is not to over give, you know? There's some types that over give and so, it's all-- Again, it's all in balance and so, I have a another-- Again, another church leader that I've worked with that as actually a pastor and his challenge was he didn't want to come out of his study. Like on Sunday morning. He loved his study. Oh my gosh, he'd spent hours and hours and hours in there, was meticulous and his study was just this amazing thing and you know, the way he took notes and the way all these things he expressed himself was amazing and just was brilliant, just knew all kinds of things.

[Brent]: But like, on a Sunday morning, he just would stay back there and like, right as the service started, he finally go out, you know, when it was his time to say something and then he would tend to right after service, he'd like-- He'd be lost--

[Janis]: Disappeared

[Brent]: He disappeared again and he's the pastor of the church, okay? And so, he had to work and just had to practice this. “Okay, I'm gonna make myself go out 10 minutes early and just go into the lobby and this is my time to just connect with people” and make himself stay afterwards a little bit and now, again, there are some pastors that just, that's all they do. They just, you know, they're Energizer bunnies and they're just shaking everybody's hand in the whole congregation, okay? Well, they don't have to practice this. You know, they might need to spend a little bit more time in their study, okay? Get a little bit more research behind all the fun things that they say, okay? That they could just, you know, do it off the cuff and so-- But that was just a practice for him and it just kind of helped balance that.

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: Then we've got our sixth one, which is the loyalists. These folks are committed, very secure focus, security focus. They want to feel safe. I always say that if you're going on a trip, you want to have one of these in your group, because they have everything in their suitcase that you might possibly need. Any extra-- And they have stuff for everybody, you know? They just have extra stuff because-- You know, it's a very much of a Boy Scout, be prepared. I mean, they're thinking ahead, they've got all of the different possibilities in their mind. You know, they go into a-- Go into a building and they know where the exits are, they know “how do we get out of here?”, you know, they're all kind of thinking ahead, you know? If there's a fire or if this happened, how-- You know, “how would I get out of here?” and so-- And again--

[Janis]: One of my favorite examples of that in our own family, which I'm going to tell on you guys, but one of my favorite examples is we went to Italy as a family and one of my son-in-laws was diving off the rocks into the water with his glasses on and he lost his glasses.

[Brent]: They're in the-- Is it the--?

[Janis]: Aegean?

[Brent]: Aegean Sea.

[Janis]: Yes, is that what it was. Yes.

[Brent]: His glasses are at the bottom of that sea.

[Janis]: Anyway. So, they're in the bottom there somewhere and so, my son was like “oh. Well, I brought an extra pair of glasses just in case” and so, he and my son-in-law tried them on, they had almost the same prescription and so, it was like “okay, good thing Spencer's on the trip, now we know we've got what we need”.

[Brent]: And we think our son-in-law has worn those for like, years.

[Janis]: He finally got new ones.

[Brent]: [Unintelligible] So, their fear. Again, back to their fear. Their fear of being without support or guidance and so, they are very dependent on leadership in their life. Now, they can get upset at leadership, but they need kind of guidance and support and they're looking for-- They can be really good followers. They need to really trust in the leader. They worry about what might happen.

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: Always thinking about what might happen.

[Janis]: And I think because of that, they tend to come up with formulas or ways to cope at that “this is how I'm always going to do this, because this helps me feel safe” and I think they can do that in some of their belief systems as well.

[Brent]: Yes, absolutely.

[Janis]: It's like “this is what I taught; this is what I'm going to hang on to because I don't want to change”.

[Brent]: Yeah, which leads to the desire to be secure deteriorates into an over attachment to beliefs.

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: So, they connect with a certain belief that helps them feel safe and secure and then, they're going to ride that wave and that belief gives them great security.

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: So, one of the things we find on a spiritual level for sixes, is that they have a great need kind of to control those beliefs. They want to know all the answers, that this is the way God works in the world, this is what happens, this is why bad things happen, this is why this happens, this is why this happens. They need to understand all of that and they might even latch onto a certain-- You know, they can kind of pull a certain scripture out, one verse that says this and then they latch onto that. They do not like the idea of mystery.

[Brent]: Oh my gosh, they will freak out over that idea. Even when you look at the whole scriptural story, there's a lot of mystery, there's a lot that we don't know for sure. But they're going to tend to follow leaders that say things very concretely, that this is what this means and this is what we believe and they're going to kind of be rigid in that and so, one of the practices that we've found helpful to kind of just, kind of moderate that, is a practice that we call “Lectio Divina”. Oh, we don't call it that, it's called that.

[Janis]: It's what it’s called.

[Brent]: It's been around forever.

[Janis]: We didn't create it.

[Brent]: We did not create this. But it's a way of reading scripture that lets you just sit in it. You know, for the first, I don't know how many hundreds and hundreds of years of the church, most people didn't know how to read, they just listened to it and somebody would stand up in the front and just read it and they would just listen to it and let it sit in them and kind of soak in them, and we've kind of gotten away from that and so, this is a practice where you kind of take a certain section of scripture. We recommend that it's a fairly small section. So, this is not Romans.

[Janis]: Right

[Brent]: Okay? But a small-- Maybe a few verses and kind of sit and you read it through slowly and you just kind of let those words sit in you. Then you go back through and read it again and even ask God “what am I supposed to hear here? What is this saying to me?” and then maybe even read it again. “What's a certain point or a certain theme that's jumping out of this that I'm supposed to hold on to?” And then read it through again, really slowly and go “what am I supposed to do with that now? How am I supposed to put that into action in my life?” and so, reading it through three or four times and again, real slowly. No, this is not speed reading.

[Janis]: Right

[Brent]: And after each time, just letting it soak in us and we found that that practice actually can help balance that need for certainty, that need to hold on to just a certain sentence out of that and that that-- Boy, that-- You know, creates this sense of security “I'm going to hold on to that” and then, we miss the whole other part of the story. You know, the challenge with taking just verses out of scripture is that it's in a whole story and we have to look at it in the context of the whole story and so, one of those, I have one person that that they read this section. It's Matthew 6:25, and we thought we'd just read-- Now, we're not going to read it four times.

[Janis]: Right

[Brent]: You know, and actually do that process, but it's-- And maybe if you could just read this, it's just hearing these words and listening to these and letting these soak. So, you're just-- I love your voice, so just kind of read it slowly and let's listen to this.

[Janis]: Matthew, is that right?

[Brent]: Yeah

[Janis]: Okay, and I think this is really good. I have a strong six wing and so, this is one that its particularly good for me to just hold on to. So--

[Brent]: The wing, in case you're wondering “what? Wing? What is she talking about wings?”. Usually in the Enneagram the type on either side of you-- So, we'll talk about this next time, but you kind of feel like you live in the mainly in the story of the Seven, right?

[Janis]: Yes

[Brent]: And so, a six or an eight usually would be the wing and so, you identify more with the sixth wing.

[Janis]: Yes, thank you. Now, they won't imagine me with feathers. “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own”.

[Janis]: I think this is so good reminding yourself God knows what you need. He's not up there ignoring you; he knows you need to have a job; he knows you need to have clothes; he knows you need safety and so, it's trusting in him in that. But some of us have to read those things over and over again to remind ourselves.

[Brent]: Yeah, and I would say, of course, all of us.

[Janis]: All of us.

[Brent]: It would be helpful for that, but particularly for a six, that kind of need for control. Because the reality is as we live life, we recognize that any sense of control that we have is just pretty much smoke and mirrors.

[Janis]: Yes

[Brent]: You know, that that we are very limited to control. But we are resting in that there's something outside of us that cares for us and so, we can just kind of let go. So, that's just-- It's been very helpful to my friend. It's just-- He just does this very consistently, you know? He does this with other sections, but particularly with this one.

[Janis]: And another thing that I think is really helpful for six that I encourage with a lot of my clients, is breath prayers and there's all different kinds; you can do research on different kinds. The things that I like to do, that I found helpful for me and my clients is to like, breathe in God and breathe out stress. Breathe in his goodness, breathe out my fear. Finding those words that mean something specifically to you, but practicing that over and over again with your breath, so it becomes automatic. This is also one of those things that's really good when you wake up in the middle of the night and you kind of have that, what I call “the cat over the bathtub feeling” or it's like, anxiety and you're worried about something. To just go “I'm going to breathe in the goodness of God and I'm going to breathe out all of those things that are my cares or my concerns, because I know he's faithful”.

[Brent]: Yeah

[Janis]: So, practicing that over and over again and then, again, gratitude. I think looking at where God has done great things in your life and small things in your life, and rehearsing those over and over and over again, writing them down and really meditating on them. That you have seen God provide for you in so many ways, so he's not going to stop providing for you now if he's done all that in the past, because he loves you and he wants the best for you.

[Brent]: Yeah, very good. So, if you find yourself in one of these stories: four, five or six, hopefully there's some ideas here that can help you maybe grab a hold of and just maybe take one of these things and just begin to start putting that into practice. The wonderful thing about the Enneagram, I think not only does it help us be self-aware, but it also helps us be other aware. We have grace for ourselves and grace for others and so, you might have family members that find themselves in these stories and it's like “oh, that's why they do this”.

[Janis]: Yes, instead of “what's wrong with you!?”.

[Brent]: Yeah, that's it-- Yeah. Being able-- Again, being graceful.

[Janis]: Yes

[Brent]: Like “okay, I see that's the story that you live in, so that's why you're doing that” and again, it just has-- It helps us to be more graceful towards others.

[Janis]: Yeah

[Brent]: So, let's all grab a hold of some practices that are life-giving, that help that transformation process of us finding that kind of true self and true identity that we have, you know, we been formed in the image of and so, that we can thrive in this journey together. So, next time we're going to look at the last three. So, you get to be included in in this next year.

[Janis]: Yes, that would probably be very long, because we're going to talk about the sevens a lot.

[Brent]: Yes, sevens, eights and nines.

[Janis]: Yes

[Brent]: And so, for now, blessings as you go today. Go in peace.